Moving Forward

Throw cheese puffs at him, then find a new crush. (I'm in a cheesy toast mood.) What would you do if you woke up one morning and your bedroom walls ...

“Are you nervous?” Mom asked. “Not at all,” I replied unconvincingly. My knees were shaking, but Mom ignored this and I tried to sound confident. I thought back to everything ...

There is data on this stuff, more 'random' than a 'random' survey of a bunch of writers. If you want to find the real average family, use science and news ...

we could suggest a name like Bob in a fantasy novel. Why couldn't someone in a fantasy novel be called Bob? It's a bit cliched to give all your fantasy ...

It was one of those breezes, the kind that raises the hairs on your arms. This sounds choppy to me. Try, It was one of those breezes that raise the ...

I liked the idea! The dialogue seemed a little forced, like you were trying to write it just to get it done. Jenna seems like a strong, smart girl. What ...

This was interesting. I was confused at first whether Ma'am was the employer or the mother; when I realized, it made sense. You might want to make it more exciting; ...

I know excatly what you mean by this! When you first start out, you are talking about me. Well, you use third person, skip to second, and then to first. ...

Pepsi and Coke are popular soft drinks. What’s the difference? Both have good points and bad points. However, I consider Pepsi to be a better all-around drink. Both are dark, ...

It's a great start, you should definitely continue. The part where he said/thought? "Newbs what took you so long", I thought you were insulting me. Honestly. That part was a ...

Well..too be honest I'm a bit lost. I really don't know much about drugs, so I don't understand the whole thing with the bowl, and the half-o, and it took ...

I liked the idea and they way you built on Cameron's fear. You used apostrophes (') instead of quotation marks ("). Also, you need to start a new paragraph when ...

I liked the use of dialogue to keep the story moving. Another thing I enjoyed was Tricken as a name. It made sense, yet, it sounds a bit like a ...

I think it is good. The writing is simple enough to sound as if a child did it, yet sophisticated enough that you know it was a serious piece of ...

Always remember to edit before you post! I'm not going to go through everything, just a bit. Missing a few commas, and there are some spelling mistakes that slipped through ...